How It Works

I love movies, but I hate most movie reviews. I hate them for two reasons: First, they always begin with a 3-5 paragraph in-depth description of the film. I don't want to know the entire plot, I want to know if it's good! I may say generally what the movie involves but that's it. Second, most movie reviews are unclear. I've read countless reviews that left me with absolutely no indication as to whether or not I should even see the film. Not here. I developed three methods to rate television and movies:

1. Just your average 10 point scale.
10 is obviously the best and 1 is the worst. Although, Something Borrowed might make below a 1 if I ever get around to reviewing it. I consider myself quite harsh, so if you see anything above a 9, it's probably in my top ten of all time.

2. What's it Worth?
I will tell you if I think it's worth paying for and worth the 2 (and ever more increasingly 3) hours of your time. I also make an educated guess as to whether or not you can multitask during the film.

3. The (not-yet) Patented Clairometer
In honor of my college friend Claire, I developed this rating system in order to display how "appropriate" the film is. It is designed to tell you a more detailed rating system. I find this helpful. Sometimes you want to know ahead of time so you're not stuck watching Black Swan in an empty theater with your mom. The range between PG-13 and R is more vast than the plot holes in a Michael Bay movie. I hope to combat this. The scale shows photos and descriptions of a few well-known women in film and television. The rating is the farthest woman to the left of the scale who would approve of the film. For example, June Cleaver would not approve of
Tequila Sunrise. The woman who would is probably Mathilda.

THE CLAIROMETER:

Clairometer

Clairometer

conclusion

With this blog, I write as though someone will read it and enjoy what I have to say. I am under no false pretense that I have a wide readership. It is mostly for me and for the one other person who accidentally stumbled across this blog. If that is you, I'm glad you are here. With this blog, I send my thoughts about what I watch on a black box into the abyss of the world wide web. I hope you enjoy reading these thoughts as much as I enjoy writing them.

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Monday, July 14, 2014

This Frances Ha is very aware of itself

Frances Ha (2012)
Written by: Noah Baumach & Greta Gerwig
Directed by: Noah Baumach
Starring: Greta Gerwig, Mickey Sumner

My Rating: 7.8
Worth: 2 hours multitasking, cost of rental
Clairometer: Erin Brockovich





Andy: What do you do?
Frances: It's Complicated. 
Andy: Is it because what you do is complicated?
Frances: No. It's because I don't do it. 

If you've ever said, "well that was a little too 'indie'" after watching a movie, avoid Frances Ha. For example, it is in black and white, for no explained reason, cigarettes are practically a main character in the first half of the film, and it's filled with lines like "I internet-acquired three pair of very rare  Ray Bans; I'm doing awesome." However, if you can weed through the urban-outfitters wardrobe and Girls'-minus-the-nudity vibe, Frances Ha is a very good film.

"Sophie, I f*&cking held your head when you cried, I bought special milk for you, I know where you hide your pills, don't treat me like a three hour brunch friend!" - Frances

This is a love story of two best friends, Sophie and Frances. They lived together in college, then got a small apartment in New York together after graduation. But as life often does, it separated them. Frances must learn to grow up and live without Sophie by her side. Frances' dependence on Sophie is not a matter of finances or because Frances has trouble being alone. Sophie gives her a confidence to be herself that no one else can. Frances Ha is a grown up  Frozen, with less singing and more dancing.