How It Works

I love movies, but I hate most movie reviews. I hate them for two reasons: First, they always begin with a 3-5 paragraph in-depth description of the film. I don't want to know the entire plot, I want to know if it's good! I may say generally what the movie involves but that's it. Second, most movie reviews are unclear. I've read countless reviews that left me with absolutely no indication as to whether or not I should even see the film. Not here. I developed three methods to rate television and movies:

1. Just your average 10 point scale.
10 is obviously the best and 1 is the worst. Although, Something Borrowed might make below a 1 if I ever get around to reviewing it. I consider myself quite harsh, so if you see anything above a 9, it's probably in my top ten of all time.

2. What's it Worth?
I will tell you if I think it's worth paying for and worth the 2 (and ever more increasingly 3) hours of your time. I also make an educated guess as to whether or not you can multitask during the film.

3. The (not-yet) Patented Clairometer
In honor of my college friend Claire, I developed this rating system in order to display how "appropriate" the film is. It is designed to tell you a more detailed rating system. I find this helpful. Sometimes you want to know ahead of time so you're not stuck watching Black Swan in an empty theater with your mom. The range between PG-13 and R is more vast than the plot holes in a Michael Bay movie. I hope to combat this. The scale shows photos and descriptions of a few well-known women in film and television. The rating is the farthest woman to the left of the scale who would approve of the film. For example, June Cleaver would not approve of Tequila Sunrise. The woman who would is probably Mathilda.

THE CLAIROMETER:

Clairometer

Clairometer

conclusion

With this blog, I write as though someone will read it and enjoy what I have to say. I am under no false pretense that I have a wide readership. It is mostly for me and for the one other person who accidentally stumbled across this blog. If that is you, I'm glad you are here. With this blog, I send my thoughts about what I watch on a black box into the abyss of the world wide web. I hope you enjoy reading these thoughts as much as I enjoy writing them.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Top 10: The Office (US) Cold Opens

The Office is my favorite television show. It is the perfect combination of heart and humor. These are my favorite cold opens from the show. Cold opens are the bits in the beginning before the theme song plays. They often don't have anything to do with the rest of the episode. The ones that I have selected are not necessarily the most shocking or laugh out loud funny. To me, these 10 cold opens epitomize the best of The Office. 

10. Season 6 Episode 25 "The Chump": The one where Toby is leaving radon test kits everywhere, and the office tests how to kill Toby, Bin Laden and Hitler with one bullet.

9. Season 8 Episode 21"Angry Andy": The one where Jim says that Phyllis says the same 12 cliches every time it's raining, and if she says them all by noon that day, he'd send out for hot chocolates.



8. Season 3 Episode 11 "Back From Vacation":  The one where Michael asks Dwight to record all meetings in his absence. Then Jim and the rest of the sales staff yell things out to ruin the integrity of the recording.


7. Season 3 Episode 20 "Product Recall": The one where Jim impersonates Dwight. Watch it here


6. Season 6 Episode 13 "Secret Santa": The one where Jim and Dwight unveil the Christmas tree and everyone hates it.


5. Season 7 Episode 9 "WUPHF.com": The one where the server goes down and they need to remember the internet password.


4. Season 7 Episode 6 "Costume Contest": The one where the whole office tries to determine if there is a limit to what Stanley won't notice.


3. Season 5 Episode 14 "Stress Relief Part 1": The one where Dwight pretends to set the office on fire. Watch it here



2. Season 4 Episode 1 "Fun Run": The one where Michael hits Meredith with his car.


1. Season 7 Episode 1 "Nepotism": The one where they lip dub to Human Beinz' "Nobody". Watch it here



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