How It Works

I love movies, but I hate most movie reviews. I hate them for two reasons: First, they always begin with a 3-5 paragraph in-depth description of the film. I don't want to know the entire plot, I want to know if it's good! I may say generally what the movie involves but that's it. Second, most movie reviews are unclear. I've read countless reviews that left me with absolutely no indication as to whether or not I should even see the film. Not here. I developed three methods to rate television and movies:

1. Just your average 10 point scale.
10 is obviously the best and 1 is the worst. Although, Something Borrowed might make below a 1 if I ever get around to reviewing it. I consider myself quite harsh, so if you see anything above a 9, it's probably in my top ten of all time.

2. What's it Worth?
I will tell you if I think it's worth paying for and worth the 2 (and ever more increasingly 3) hours of your time. I also make an educated guess as to whether or not you can multitask during the film.

3. The (not-yet) Patented Clairometer
In honor of my college friend Claire, I developed this rating system in order to display how "appropriate" the film is. It is designed to tell you a more detailed rating system. I find this helpful. Sometimes you want to know ahead of time so you're not stuck watching Black Swan in an empty theater with your mom. The range between PG-13 and R is more vast than the plot holes in a Michael Bay movie. I hope to combat this. The scale shows photos and descriptions of a few well-known women in film and television. The rating is the farthest woman to the left of the scale who would approve of the film. For example, June Cleaver would not approve of Tequila Sunrise. The woman who would is probably Mathilda.

THE CLAIROMETER:

Clairometer

Clairometer

conclusion

With this blog, I write as though someone will read it and enjoy what I have to say. I am under no false pretense that I have a wide readership. It is mostly for me and for the one other person who accidentally stumbled across this blog. If that is you, I'm glad you are here. With this blog, I send my thoughts about what I watch on a black box into the abyss of the world wide web. I hope you enjoy reading these thoughts as much as I enjoy writing them.

Monday, January 27, 2014

More Than Alright Alright Alright

Mud (2012)
Starring: Tye Sheridan, Jacob Lofland, Matthew McConaughey*, Reese Witherspoon
Written and Directed by: Jeff Nichols


My Rating: 8.3
Worth: 2 hours fully paying attention, cost of purchase
Clairometer: Holly Golightly

Two young boys give the most outstanding performances by "children" since Keisha Castle-Hughes in Whale Rider. They are witty, believably from the small river town in Arkansas, and they frankly steal the show from the main-credited and Golden Globe-winning dramatic actor under whose name the film was advertised. The main character Ellis, shows a side to young boys rarely seen in film. When young people play major roles in a film, nothing is more obvious than when adults write their perception of teenagers. Snotty, shallow, and bored are the three adjectives that come to mind. But thankfully, Jeff Nichols is different, and Ellis is special. Ellis is respectful, insightful, and active. The depth to his character is deeper than the river in which he resides. He is affected by old-fashioned stories of adventure, as are most teenagers. However, he sees as part of that adventure protecting a woman he loves. And what decent woman wouldn't love him back? He witnesses no one in his town embodying this archaic idea of romance and it rattles his sensibilities. Ellis then meets Mud, and finally sees a man in whom he can confide about his ideals.

Mud is an adventure story. It is a love story. And both sides to this story turn out to be far more complicated than a teenage boy is able to fully comprehend. How do we cope when someone on whom our foundations of life are built turns out to be fraudulent? What do we do when the entire world around us provides absolutely no indication that true love is forever, or even possible? Where do we turn when everyone around us fails to live up to our self-imposed standards for them? Mud teaches them that life is full of mistakes and momentary bliss, but as men they must fight for what they want. Ellis shows us a level of integrity only found in the rarest of heroes. Watch Mud and your perception of love and friendship will be slightly altered for ever after.

*In case you're thinking this is the first movie ever where he keeps his (lucky) shirt on, you're wrong. C'mon, It's still the same Matt. I'm pretty sure it's in his rider.  
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