How It Works

I love movies, but I hate most movie reviews. I hate them for two reasons: First, they always begin with a 3-5 paragraph in-depth description of the film. I don't want to know the entire plot, I want to know if it's good! I may say generally what the movie involves but that's it. Second, most movie reviews are unclear. I've read countless reviews that left me with absolutely no indication as to whether or not I should even see the film. Not here. I developed three methods to rate television and movies:

1. Just your average 10 point scale.
10 is obviously the best and 1 is the worst. Although, Something Borrowed might make below a 1 if I ever get around to reviewing it. I consider myself quite harsh, so if you see anything above a 9, it's probably in my top ten of all time.

2. What's it Worth?
I will tell you if I think it's worth paying for and worth the 2 (and ever more increasingly 3) hours of your time. I also make an educated guess as to whether or not you can multitask during the film.

3. The (not-yet) Patented Clairometer
In honor of my college friend Claire, I developed this rating system in order to display how "appropriate" the film is. It is designed to tell you a more detailed rating system. I find this helpful. Sometimes you want to know ahead of time so you're not stuck watching Black Swan in an empty theater with your mom. The range between PG-13 and R is more vast than the plot holes in a Michael Bay movie. I hope to combat this. The scale shows photos and descriptions of a few well-known women in film and television. The rating is the farthest woman to the left of the scale who would approve of the film. For example, June Cleaver would not approve of Tequila Sunrise. The woman who would is probably Mathilda.

THE CLAIROMETER:

Clairometer

Clairometer

conclusion

With this blog, I write as though someone will read it and enjoy what I have to say. I am under no false pretense that I have a wide readership. It is mostly for me and for the one other person who accidentally stumbled across this blog. If that is you, I'm glad you are here. With this blog, I send my thoughts about what I watch on a black box into the abyss of the world wide web. I hope you enjoy reading these thoughts as much as I enjoy writing them.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

A Note on Expectations...

It is often difficult for me to describe movies to you without giving away what makes them so good (or bad, I suppose). I saw Bridesmaids alone, after it was nominated for a Golden Globe and after everyone on the planet told me how amazing it was. Let's just say I was unimpressed. However, if I saw it with a group of my friends before I really knew much about it, then perhaps I would have a different opinion. I'm a firm believer in expectations and atmosphere determining a large portion of how someone feels about a movie.

I hate reading the back of the movie case and even the back (or sometimes the inside sleeve) of the book. I find people who I trust and ask for recommendations. I hope to one day be that person to you. I have a friend who reads the last page of books before she starts them. And she looks up the end of every movie before she watches it. She even looks up who the Bachelor chooses before the season starts. I am clearly not this way. One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I told a friend a pivotal character in the Harry Potter series died before he read that scene. I'm by no means advocating knowing endings (and certainly not advocating watching The Bachelor), but it brings to light how people respond to expectations.


With this blog, I try to give you things to look for while watching. I try and find the reason why the movie stood out enough for me to write about it. If it's absolutely not worth watching I will say so. I try not to set your expectations to an unreasonable level. If I succeed in writing a review, you will know how a film will make you feel before watching it, but not how it transpires.
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