How It Works

I love movies, but I hate most movie reviews. I hate them for two reasons: First, they always begin with a 3-5 paragraph in-depth description of the film. I don't want to know the entire plot, I want to know if it's good! I may say generally what the movie involves but that's it. Second, most movie reviews are unclear. I've read countless reviews that left me with absolutely no indication as to whether or not I should even see the film. Not here. I developed three methods to rate television and movies:

1. Just your average 10 point scale.
10 is obviously the best and 1 is the worst. Although, Something Borrowed might make below a 1 if I ever get around to reviewing it. I consider myself quite harsh, so if you see anything above a 9, it's probably in my top ten of all time.

2. What's it Worth?
I will tell you if I think it's worth paying for and worth the 2 (and ever more increasingly 3) hours of your time. I also make an educated guess as to whether or not you can multitask during the film.

3. The (not-yet) Patented Clairometer
In honor of my college friend Claire, I developed this rating system in order to display how "appropriate" the film is. It is designed to tell you a more detailed rating system. I find this helpful. Sometimes you want to know ahead of time so you're not stuck watching Black Swan in an empty theater with your mom. The range between PG-13 and R is more vast than the plot holes in a Michael Bay movie. I hope to combat this. The scale shows photos and descriptions of a few well-known women in film and television. The rating is the farthest woman to the left of the scale who would approve of the film. For example, June Cleaver would not approve of
Tequila Sunrise. The woman who would is probably Mathilda.

THE CLAIROMETER:

Clairometer

Clairometer

conclusion

With this blog, I write as though someone will read it and enjoy what I have to say. I am under no false pretense that I have a wide readership. It is mostly for me and for the one other person who accidentally stumbled across this blog. If that is you, I'm glad you are here. With this blog, I send my thoughts about what I watch on a black box into the abyss of the world wide web. I hope you enjoy reading these thoughts as much as I enjoy writing them.

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Saturday, October 5, 2013

No Pain No Monetary Gain

The Brass Teapot (2012)
Starring: Juno Temple, Michael Angarano, Alexis Bledel, Bobby Moynihan, Alia Shawkat
Written by: Ramaa Mosley & Tim Macy
Directed by: Ramaa Mosley

My Rating: 6.4
Worth: Rental, 2 hours, you can probably mutlitask and still follow well without missing any jokes.
Clairometer: Mathilda (It's rated R, but I can't really see why)

To begin, I will say that romantic comedies as a genre will most likely not receive above a 7.5 rating. If that's the ceiling, then this is a pretty good score, right? This is an independent film with an amazing cast, an interesting concept and axiom, and good writing. You could say it has all the right "indiegredients."

I hope you're still here after that. An ancient, Chinese, brass teapot gives impoverished newlyweds money when they experience physical pain, then emotional pain, then when other people experience pain. My complaint is that after viewing the first 30 minutes, the ending becomes a bit obvious. You can most likely guess it from the premise.

"If there is one ounce of evil in either of you, the teapot will draw it out of you."     - Stereotypical Ancient Chinese Magic Guy

 

The film also sheds light on the current plight of 20 somethings recently graduating from college: unemployment, underemployment, or dependency on parents.  This point is so demonstrated by the stars of the film essentially beating themselves up, as opposed to working. It's easier for them to inflict pain upon themselves and others then it is to achieve all they want the traditional way. This film is like an onion (or a parfait) in that it has many layers and a high potential for examination (and over examination). For example, is the American dream dead? How much emotional or physical pain is money worth to us? Are couples happier when they are poor and worried about getting by or when they are rich and fighting about how to spend their money? Does all the money still lie with China? Okay, that last one was a bit of a stretch.

"Why am I going to end up like Muhammad Ali? Just so we can have a good credit score?"


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