The Giant Mechanical Man

The Giant Mechanical Man (2012)
Written and Directed by: Lee Kirk
Starring: Jenna Fischer, Chris Messina, Topher Grace, Malin Akerman

Rating: 5.5
Worth: 2 hours while multitasking, no money
Clairometer: Mathilda

The Giant Mechanical Man has great potential. It's one of those movies that is not bad, it's just not very good. There is nothing bad about the acting or the directing or even the story. There's just nothing very memorable (other than the fact that the main character is a 10 foot tall "metal" man). Notice that I'm incapable of placing quotes from the film intermittently throughout this post as I always do. There's really just nothing to quote.

Jenna Fischer is adorable and probably has chemistry with a tree stump. Not to say Chris Messina is anything of the sort. In case you are worried, you do lose the feeling that she can't be with anyone besides Jim Halpert within the first fifteen or twenty minutes. Jenna's character Janice, has a vulnerability with the giant mechanical man that is juxtaposed with her apathy towards the world. It doesn't seem that she is an apathetic person. It's more that she needs someone to either awaken in her a new vivacity about life, or be content with her just how she is.

People constantly push Janice to be the version of herself that they believe to be the best, forcing dates and self expression that she is quite uncomfortable with, until she meets the giant mechanical man. He draws out her feelings yet he doesn't demand anything that she cannot give. Perhaps that's what true love really is - finding the balance between challenging someone and micromanaging his or her life entirely. His silent attentiveness gives her a stage to air her grievances about the world. This film shows the unforced love that is not passionate, or animalistic. It's not love lost, or unrequited. It's simply that beautiful contentment that comes with accepting the other person's flaws and loving regardless. At the conclusion, I felt as though I had just finished a picnic in the park with sandwiches, juice boxes and the person I love. Content to just be without extravagance. The Giant Mechanical Man is not extravagant, like a picnic on a yacht with wine and candles. Watch it (only for free) as you fold laundry, and remind yourself why you are happy with the cards you were dealt; and if you are not, then go find your giant mechanical man.

A Note on Expectations...

It is often difficult for me to describe movies to you without giving away what makes them so good (or bad, I suppose). I saw Bridesmaids alone, after it was nominated for a Golden Globe and after everyone on the planet told me how amazing it was. Let's just say I was unimpressed. However, if I saw it with a group of my friends before I really knew much about it, then perhaps I would have a different opinion. I'm a firm believer in expectations and atmosphere determining a large portion of how someone feels about a movie.

I hate reading the back of the movie case and even the back (or sometimes the inside sleeve) of the book. I find people who I trust and ask for recommendations. I hope to one day be that person to you. I have a friend who reads the last page of books before she starts them. And she looks up the end of every movie before she watches it. She even looks up who the Bachelor chooses before the season starts. I am clearly not this way. One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I told a friend a pivotal character in the Harry Potter series died before he read that scene. I'm by no means advocating knowing endings (and certainly not advocating watching The Bachelor), but it brings to light how people respond to expectations.


With this blog, I try to give you things to look for while watching. I try and find the reason why the movie stood out enough for me to write about it. If it's absolutely not worth watching I will say so. I try not to set your expectations to an unreasonable level. If I succeed in writing a review, you will know how a film will make you feel before watching it, but not how it transpires.

Movie Break for TV

5 Quality Television Shows You Probably Haven't Seen... 
(in no particular order, they're all great) 

1. Quite Interesting (QI)
Where you can watch it: youtube.com
Why you probably haven't seen it: it's British
Clairometer: Mrs. Doubtfire 

It's the most intelligently funny quiz show out there. Hosted by Stephen Fry and features British comedians and actors. Not only will you laugh out loud but you will learn something.

2. Arrested Development 
Where you can watch it: netflix.com
Why you probably haven't seen it: it was canceled, due to lack of viewership (who knows why)
 Clairometer: Holly Golightly

 Maybe they didn't originate on AD, but it seems to have perfected quick flashbacks, holding the scene too long to become awkward, documentary-style filming and hilarious overacting. It's probably funniest and most well-written sitcom I've ever seen.

 3. Columbo 
Where you can watch it: netflix.com
Why you probably haven't seen it: it's from 1960
Clairometer: Ethel Thayer

To quote Emily Gilmore, I'm not as fascinated with forensic work as the rest of the country. This is detective work at its finest. It's not about poking dead bodies or determining which angle they fell off a bridge with equipment that no detectives would have funds to use unless it was the murder of JFK. It's simply a man, his dopy car, his pipe and his mind. It stands the test of time beautifully (apart from the sexism).
Don't underestimate Columbo, like all of his suspects do!

4. The Inbetweeners
Where you can watch it: netflix.com and youtube.com
Why you probably haven't seen it: it's British
Clairometer: Jenny Curran

Ok, so it's immature, stupid and perverted, but it's hilarious. But do beware, it's not for everyone. It makes me very glad I was never a teenage boy in England.

5. Important Things with Demetri Martin

Where you can watch it: netflix.com
Why you probably haven't seen it: there are only  12 22-minute episodes, and canceled due to lack of viewership. (again, who knows why)
Clairometer: Mathilda

Demetri Martin marches to the beat of his own comedy drum. If I had to describe the show, it's like if George Carlin dropped out of law school and joined the cast of The Big Bang Theory - all with a handy dandy large legal pad.

Liberal Arts

Liberal Arts (2012)
Starring: Josh Radnor, Elizabeth Olsen, Allison Janney, Richard Jenkins, Zac Efron
Written and Directed by: Josh Radnor

My Rating: 6.6/10
Worth: On Demand/DVD rental, 2 hours, 3/4 paying attention
Clairometer: Mathilda

Jesse: You think [college] is a prison? 

Peter: Any place you don't leave is a prison. 

"College was the best four years of my life." I hear this said frequently. But if you're a dorky dad you make the "best 6 years of my life joke." Perhaps people say this because it was their first look at freedom. Or perhaps for some, it's sex, drugs and rock and roll. Or perhaps people just tend to romanticize the past in general. Who really knows. Jesse, the main character is a man in his thirties unhappy with the current state of his life - like all of Josh Randnor's roles. He returns to his alma mater at his former professor's request to attend his retirement party. To say that he goes back to college isn't accurate. That phrase might lead you to think it's a Hangover-type film. He somewhat goes back to the classrooms of college and encounters a plethora of interesting characters - including Zac Efron's character in whom I still can't quite find the purpose. If you can, leave a comment and let me know. Jesse finds himself wanting to stay in college, where he thought anything was possible and he learned new and artistic things daily. But is it that he was so focused on the past that he did not life out his present? Living in the moment is a cliche for a reason, because we can be trapped by any place that we never leave - even if it's the past.

"You know [David Foster Wallace] said that the purpose of fiction is to combat loneliness. Although spending most of your time with an eleven-hundred page book tends to put a dent in your social life."

I've often wondered who is smarter: a person who is well-read or a person who is well-lived. As with any philosophical question posing two sides, the answer is finding a balance. But what happens when our tendency is to retreat and live out the lives of others through fiction? I fall prey to this desire far too many times. Do we revert to our pajamas and a good movie or book because that's what we like? Or because that's where we feel safe and we are afraid to be the leading ladies of our own lives? Liberal Arts is a good film, in that it challenges us to do both - that is, to read books, watch films and hear scores because they enlighten our souls; but also, to live today well. If you want to feel more intelligent, while you're sorting files or cleaning out your hard drive, this is the movie to watch.

"Grace, I realized, is neither time-nor place-dependent. All we need is the right soundtrack."

This film left me wanting to read a good book, put on Bach and contemplate the meaning of life. Good soundtracks can change your day. Liberal Arts challenges us to step away from the latest alternative band and play something that can be a score to the film that is our present life. Who decides that that particular Indie band is good? Who decides what is good taste? Zibby, Elizabeth Olsen's character, challenges us to answer "ourselves" to those questions. Read something because it's fun. Listen to something because of the way it makes you feel. Don't be weighted down by the thought that someone might flip through your iPod and see Sister Hazel. Don't jump at the chance to toss the phrase "guilty pleasure" around. Embrace the things you enjoy and stand by them because they are what make you unique. 

But what would Jesse say to this? Taste is taste, some people have it and others don't. People like Jesse might never find joy in discovering his own brand of the arts. And people like Zibby might never be quite as knowledgeable. But I ask you, who will have the better life?

The Seven-Year Itch

The Seven-Year Itch (1955)
Starring: Marilyn Monroe, Tom Ewell
Written by: Billy Wilder, George Axelrod
Directed by: Billy Wilder

My Rating: 4.2/10
Worth: watch Some Like It Hot or Sabrina
instead
Clairometer: Ethel Thayer

 This movie proves that just because it's old or considered a "classic" does not mean it's even remotely good. The first noticeably painful part that perpetuates throughout the entire film is Tom Ewell's incredibly annoying narration. It gives the impression of a bad high school play where the main character is buying time while he remembers his lines. Awkward can't even begin to describe the monologues. He tells you when he's going to smoke, eat, shower, leave for work, and go to bed. Perhaps if it were Carey Grant dressed in a tux telling me what he's doing as he does it, I might enjoy it.  But it's not. It's Tom Ewell, dressed as an accountant fiddling with toast and cigarettes. 

The Girl: "I think it's just elegant to have an imagination. I just have no imagination at all. I have lots of other things, but I have no imagination."

Lots of other things is right. While I will leave my Marilyn rant to another post, The Itch shows her at the height of her fake persona. Her character deflates the reputation of both sexes involved. Her naivete embarrasses every woman, while men should be embarrassed at its portrayal of a pair of legs making her stupidity seem attractive. Her character's name: The Girl. One might hope Billy was going for a Drive-style anonymity, but don't count on it. It just shows how little her personality matters that no one even asks her name. Her presence is clearly for visual purposes. I have no evidence, but the phrase "dumb blonde" was either coined or highly perpetuated by her performance.

The Girl: "When it gets hot like this, you know what I do? I keep my undies in the icebox!"

The premise is Summer. It can literally be summed up in one word. She needs air conditioning so she flirts with the world's dullest bumbling suspendered man to cool off and use his. Wives go away in the summer (apparently) like they're off to camp, leaving the husbands at home to be tempted by secretaries and new neighbors. At least the film shows society's progression in the past 60 years. 

I have clearly established the unlikable main (and nearly only) characters but at least there's changes in venue right? Wrong. It technically takes place in Manhattan. But never has a sound stage been more obvious. Three quarters of The Itch takes place within one room. Now by no means am I stage expert, but I have heard of a little thing called blocking. Being limited to mostly one room to shoot does make blocking quite difficult, however, there should be natural reasons to change positions. Facing one direction to look at a picture, changing chairs to get closer to the air conditioning, going to the kitchen to get a snack. There were no reasons for movement, just two people floating about looking in all directions. It felt like the improve sketch where one person has to be standing and one has to be sitting and one has to be lying down - with out all the laughs. 

The Girl: "This is what they call classical music isn't it? I could tell because there's no vocals."

You're probably now wondering, why even a 4.2? Ewell's character has very vivid fantasies. These were funny. These were typical Billy Wilder scenes and the reason I made it through the entire movie. I found myself rooting for his wife in his fantasies, wanting her to be with someone less neurotic. I wanted his fantasies to pan out for a quicker end to the movie. Reiterating a previous point, just watch Sabrina or Some Like It Hot if you want a quality 50's film to enjoy.

An Education

An Education (2009)

Starring: Carey Mulligan, Peter Sarsgaard,  Dominic Cooper, Rosamund Pike, Alfred Molina, Olivia Williams, and Emma Thompson

Directed by: Lone Scherfig

Screenplay by: Nick Hornby, based on the memoir of Lynn Barber

My Rating: 9.4/10

Worth: Not only is it worth the 2 hours (100 minutes actually), were it still in theaters, it would be worth that cost.

Clairometer: Ethel Thayer

"If I go to university I'm going read what I want, and listen to what I want, and I'm going to look at paintings and watch French films. And I'm going to talk to people who know lots about lots."  

When selecting a movie to watch, I typically go by "my list" of actors in which I trust wholeheartedly. I trust their decisions on which scripts to take and I can therefore trust that those movies will be good. Carey Mulligan is at the top of my list. The easiest phrase to describe An Education is "a work of art." Beth Rowley, Juliette Greco, Mel Torme, Paul Englishby and early Duffy combine to make the film worth watching even with your eyes closed. While Helen's (played by Rosamund Pike) wardrobe makes the film worth watching even with your ears plugged. Everyone has biases and admittedly mine are French music, 1960s fashion and British films in general. Amidst completely discrediting myself, I stand firm in my belief that An Education is worth watching even if you don't share these biases. 

Jenny: "I'm still trying to work out what makes good things good. It's hard isn't it?"
Danny: "The thing is Jenny, you know... without necessarily being able to explain why. You have taste. That's not half the battle. It's the whole war." 

It is one of the most appropriately named films in existence. It attempts to define what an education is. Why should a woman in the early 60's go to school? Perhaps to become a teacher or find a husband. Who is responsible for a young girl's education? Her teachers? Her parents? An older man? The film teaches us that it is not enough to become educated. We must know why we are doing it. Our education must be a balance between books and life - otherwise we become spotty and garish. 

Jenny's relationship with her mother is underplayed but something to notice. Watch as she pushes Jenny towards excitement. She waits up for her to come home from adventures. She seems perfectly aware of everything going on in Jenny's life and while many mothers might persuade (or even force) her one way or another she remains supportive. She is supportive of anything Jenny decides as long as it leads her to a different life than she has.  

"The life I want... there is no short cut."   

This is not a film that leaves you uplifted and ready to take in a homeless boy turned football star. Nor is it a film that Meg Ryan would watch with a pint of ice cream. When it ended I wanted to read a book, wear black and smoke a cigarette. You must take a moment at the conclusion and contemplate your life. Why are you on the path you are? Is it for you or someone else? No matter how old, we are constantly being educated. But by whom or what?  Life is about experiences. How do we know which are good ones? According to Danny it is a matter of taste, and gaining taste is the whole war.