What I'm Watching This Month

This concept is new. I hope that I can begin watching a new television show or miniseries every month. Who knows what will happen once school starts. I honestly feel as though this is a better time for television than for film. I know what your thinking, well then you picked a fabulous time to start a blog about movies. If you notice, I've slowly infiltrated good television shows into my discussion. However, the lack of quality movies being produced is all the more reason to write this blog and "dig through the dirt."

Veep (2011)
Starring: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tony Hale,
Anna Chlumsky, Matt Walsh, Reid Scott
Showrunner: Armando Iannucci
My Rating: 8.0
Television Show, Airing on HBO
Clairometer: Erin Brockovich

Anyone who knows me personally knows my distaste for HBO programing. That is, however, another post for another day. To describe Veep in a sentence I would say that it is a fabulous combination of Arrested Development-styled awkwardness and creative writing with a dash of dry British-esque humor and a pow of powerhouse acting by all involved. Veep was marketed horrifically. When I saw Julia Louis-Dreyfus on her press tour in 2011,  I got the impression that the show was a continuation of Tina Fey's portrayal of Sarah Palin from 2008; A sort of "what would happen if John McCain won?" But this is completely inaccurate. Selina, Julia's character, is a democrat. She's unmarried with one daughter. She has no crazy accent and does not claim to be from "the real America." She ran for president but lost in the primaries. Clearly there is no intention to politically comment on the Palin phenomenon. All this to say, watch Veep and you wont regret it. It's hilarious, uncomfortable, and genuinely entertaining.

The English Teacher

The English Teacher (2013)
Starring: Julianne Moore, Michael Angarano,

Greg Kinnear, Lily Collins, and Nathan Lane
Written by: Stacy and Dan Chariton
Directed by: Craig Zisk

My Rating: 5.3
Worth: 2 hours with lots of multitasking, no money
Clairometer: Erin Brockovich


I had high hopes for this, as quiet, bookish middle aged women are not typically protagonists. Calling an author trite is a plot point and apparently the worst thing one can say to an artist; however, I can't help but use it in describing this movie. Here are some steps to making a cliched film...

1. Make a woman smart but "ugly" by pulling her hair back and throwing on unattractive glasses. (even though she's clearly very attractive, and everyone notices anyway)
2. Make her fall down a lot in order to show that she's still funny. 
3. Show her going on failed blind dates in the beginning of the film to demonstrate why she makes the wrong choices in men later on in the film. 
4. Show her eating massive amounts of junk food to display her "depression." 
5. Make all the teenagers rude, obnoxious and completely ungrateful. 

The English Teacher involves a lonely woman (see numbers 1 - 4 above) whose life gets a little more theatrical when she encounters a 20 something former student. The film leaves many things unresolved, which is a no-no in old-fashioned screenplay writing 101. However, more and more films tend to do this these days so I suppose it is no longer taboo. That being said, something was clearly still missing. She is punished throughout the film for one wrong decision in a lifetime of impeccable service and devotion to her students. Perhaps that is a reality of life, but the tone of this film does not match such a dark theme - if that was the authors' intention. There are funny moments and Julianne Moore is lovely as always. Watch it if you are incredibly bored and don't have access to any of the movies listed in my 5 romantic movies that you might have missed post.

The Place Beyond the Pines

The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)
Written by: Derek Ciafrance, Ben Coccio, Darius Marder
Directed by: Derek Ciafrance
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendes, Rose Byrn

Rating: 9.1
Worth: 2 and a half hours, cost of rental, theater price
Clairometer: Jenny Curran


The first thing to say in describing this movie is: BRACE YOURSELF. I told my best friend to see it because it was fantastic. She called me crying and nauseated and with an hour left to go. Derek Ciafrance is known for the reality of life hitting you in the face and usually upsetting your stomach. Blue Valentine (another one of his films) still gives me bad feelings. But both films (more so The Place Beyond the Pines) are incredible. Yet at the same time, I will be fine to never watch it ever again.

It is difficult to describe what makes this movie so good without giving twists away. It comes full circle. I hate the critic's quote in the center of the poster above. Yes it is riveting, but it is so much more than a crime drama. It's about love, poverty, wealth, politics, and family. It beautifully juxtaposes two families: one with wealth and one in poverty. But how does each father provide for his family? Where are his priorities? How much does a father influence a son in parenting his own son? Are our fates unavoidable in life?

As I said, I did not set my best friend's expectations appropriately, so allow me to not make that mistake twice. Expect to be depressed. Expect to feel ill and thankful you can return to your own monotonous life. Expect to be disappointed. You'll be hoping that plot points are dreams or a figment of the characters' imaginations. But recall what I said, the writer/director deals in extreme reality. The timing is linear. Be mindful of this. Don't miss the essence of the film by hoping things will get better. They don't. Analyze the film in the way your college English professor taught you. Focus on the themes, the metaphors and the tone. Try to think while you're watching, the ways in which those "literary" elements contribute to Ciafrance's dark grasp on reality. But keep in mind, you'll want to eat ice cream and watch something goofy afterwards (I recommend an episode of Community).

My Thoughts on Modern Family

Tread Lightly, Even Though You're Carrying a Sack Full of Emmys

1. Explain your talking heads. 

It's one thing to capitalize on the continually trending documentary style of filming sitcoms. But every show that does this style, while also using talking heads, has explained why they are the subject of a documentary. The Office constantly made reference to the film crew and discussed being the subject of an "American Modern Office" documentary. Parks and Recreation never explains it but I can give that show more leeway because it would make sense that Leslie Knope is filmed as part of her governmental career. But why would a family be made into a documentary? I think they are taking a little too much creative liberty with that.

2. Stay true to your characters.

The reason Modern Family is so popular is because America fell in love with the characters and how well their stories and jokes intertwined. In the latest season, the majority of the jokes are insults to the other characters. Putting down family members is what every other lousy sitcom does. (Two and a Half Men, Rules of Engagement, Whitney, Two Broke Girls, etc.) Don't turn into these, please, because if you do, then all you have left is what you've taken from other shows (i.e. numbers 1 and 3).

3. Be original.

While the amazing success of the show has created some copycats, the show tends to steal from other shows in obvious ways. We notice. 

Arrested Development (2003)                                                               Modern Family (2010)

5 Romantic Movies That You Might Have Missed (that are actually good)

1. Love Story (1970)

Starring: Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal

Written by: Erich Segal

Directed by: Arthur Hiller

My Rating: 7.5

Worth: 2 hours, Netflix streaming, cost of rental

Clairometer: Holly Golightly

 Jenny: You look stupid and  rich. 

Oliver: What if I'm smart and poor?

Jenny: I'm smart and poor. 

Oliver: Well what makes you so smart?

Jenny: I wouldn't go out for coffee with you that's what. 

Oliver: Well what if I wasn't even gonna ask you to go out for coffee with me?

Jenny: Well that's what makes you stupid.

If you haven't seen Love Story you should, and if you have, I'm betting that you haven't seen it in a long time - I'm here to say you should revisit it. If Erich Segal were still writing today, Nicholas Sparks would be shaking in his boots. But he is no longer with us and we are stuck with films like Safe Haven to show us what romance is. Unrealistic men, damsels in distress, scenes with canoes drifting through birds, and unexplained million dollar beach houses. Jenny and Oliver are cultured and witnessing their witty banter makes me feel smarter. Watch it. If you don't laugh and cry, you will certainly realize that no scene in any modern romance movie is as inventive as you thought.

2. Heartbreaker (French, 2010)

Starring: Romain Duris, Vanessa Paradis, Julie Ferrier, Francois Damiens

Written by: Laurent Zeitoun, Jeremy Doner, Yoann Gromb

Directed by: Pascal Chaulmeil

My Rating: 6.8

Worth: 2 hours, Netflix streaming, cost of rental

Clairometer: Mathilda

I've mentioned my love of the French language before and perhaps that influenced my perception of the caliber of this movie. It's a great premise that is beautifully executed. We all have a couple we want to breakup, and wouldn't it be interesting if we could pay someone to do it? 

3. The Jane Austen Book Club

Starring: Maria Bello, Emily Blunt, Hugh Dancy

Written by: Robin Swicord, Karen Joy Fowler

Directed by: Robin Swicord

My Rating: 6.6

Worth: 2 hours, cost of rental

Clairometer:  Holly Golightly

Bernadette: All Jane Austen, all the time. It's the perfect antidote.

Prudie: To what?

Bernadette: To life. 

I couldn't agree more. This film does a fantastic job of paying tribute to Jane Austen's fantastic works while criticizing them intelligently and applying their themes to modern feminism. However, ignore the cheesy ending. It seems ad libbed in an awkwardly cut way, completely out of tune with the rest of the film. It's worth watching the entire movie to overlook the last 2 minutes. 

4. Dan in Real Life (2007)

Starring: Steve Carell, Juliette Binochet, Dan Cook, Emily Blunt

Written by: Pierce Gardner, Peter Hedges 

Directed by: Peter Hedges

My Rating: 6.9

Worth: 2 hours, can probably multitask, cost of a rental

Clairometer: Scout  

Don't be fooled by Dane Cook being in the cast. While he is type cast, his personality does not take away from the quality of the film. Dan in Real Life shows an idyllic family that somehow seems attainable. Pay attention to the music in the film. Sondre Lerche (music by) said in an interview that he thought the film was so real with such raw emotions that he didn't want to use music to overpower scenes that were already so powerful. Many movies use music to supply something that just isn't there. Dan in Real Life is aptly named and, as cheesy as it sounds, it leaves you with a warm and fuzzy feeling. 

5. Paris When It Sizzles (1964)

Starring: Audrey Hepburn, William Holden

Written by: Julien Duvivier, Henri Jeanson, George Alexrod

Directed by: Richard Quine

My Rating: 7.0

Worth: 2 hours, cost of rental

Clairometer: Scout

Richard: ... if we are to have a happy and harmonious relationship, I beg of you, never answer a question with a question. Is that clear?

Gabrielle: Did I?

Richard: There you go again, answering a question with a question. My original yes when you opened the door was a question, question mark implied of course. You do know the difference between implied and inferred?

Gabrielle: Isn't that a question?

 Richard: Yes.

Gabrielle: Well, you just answered my question with a question. To imply to indicate without saying openly or directly, to infer is to conclude from something known or assumed. 

 Audrey Hepburn's character is an assistant to a screenwriter, and in order to write a good script, she helps him by acting out the potential plot.  Full disclosure, this is another film where my biases might affect my judgment. I would love Audrey in an infomercial, I have a soft spot for writers (typically under-appreciated), and once again it incorporates the French language. Out of all of Audrey Hepburn's films I would say that this is one of the greatest, and one in which she and her costar have the most chemistry. 

 

The Giant Mechanical Man

The Giant Mechanical Man (2012)
Written and Directed by: Lee Kirk
Starring: Jenna Fischer, Chris Messina, Topher Grace, Malin Akerman

Rating: 5.5
Worth: 2 hours while multitasking, no money
Clairometer: Mathilda

The Giant Mechanical Man has great potential. It's one of those movies that is not bad, it's just not very good. There is nothing bad about the acting or the directing or even the story. There's just nothing very memorable (other than the fact that the main character is a 10 foot tall "metal" man). Notice that I'm incapable of placing quotes from the film intermittently throughout this post as I always do. There's really just nothing to quote.

Jenna Fischer is adorable and probably has chemistry with a tree stump. Not to say Chris Messina is anything of the sort. In case you are worried, you do lose the feeling that she can't be with anyone besides Jim Halpert within the first fifteen or twenty minutes. Jenna's character Janice, has a vulnerability with the giant mechanical man that is juxtaposed with her apathy towards the world. It doesn't seem that she is an apathetic person. It's more that she needs someone to either awaken in her a new vivacity about life, or be content with her just how she is.

People constantly push Janice to be the version of herself that they believe to be the best, forcing dates and self expression that she is quite uncomfortable with, until she meets the giant mechanical man. He draws out her feelings yet he doesn't demand anything that she cannot give. Perhaps that's what true love really is - finding the balance between challenging someone and micromanaging his or her life entirely. His silent attentiveness gives her a stage to air her grievances about the world. This film shows the unforced love that is not passionate, or animalistic. It's not love lost, or unrequited. It's simply that beautiful contentment that comes with accepting the other person's flaws and loving regardless. At the conclusion, I felt as though I had just finished a picnic in the park with sandwiches, juice boxes and the person I love. Content to just be without extravagance. The Giant Mechanical Man is not extravagant, like a picnic on a yacht with wine and candles. Watch it (only for free) as you fold laundry, and remind yourself why you are happy with the cards you were dealt; and if you are not, then go find your giant mechanical man.

A Note on Expectations...

It is often difficult for me to describe movies to you without giving away what makes them so good (or bad, I suppose). I saw Bridesmaids alone, after it was nominated for a Golden Globe and after everyone on the planet told me how amazing it was. Let's just say I was unimpressed. However, if I saw it with a group of my friends before I really knew much about it, then perhaps I would have a different opinion. I'm a firm believer in expectations and atmosphere determining a large portion of how someone feels about a movie.

I hate reading the back of the movie case and even the back (or sometimes the inside sleeve) of the book. I find people who I trust and ask for recommendations. I hope to one day be that person to you. I have a friend who reads the last page of books before she starts them. And she looks up the end of every movie before she watches it. She even looks up who the Bachelor chooses before the season starts. I am clearly not this way. One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I told a friend a pivotal character in the Harry Potter series died before he read that scene. I'm by no means advocating knowing endings (and certainly not advocating watching The Bachelor), but it brings to light how people respond to expectations.


With this blog, I try to give you things to look for while watching. I try and find the reason why the movie stood out enough for me to write about it. If it's absolutely not worth watching I will say so. I try not to set your expectations to an unreasonable level. If I succeed in writing a review, you will know how a film will make you feel before watching it, but not how it transpires.