How It Works

I love movies, but I hate most movie reviews. I hate them for two reasons: First, they always begin with a 3-5 paragraph in-depth description of the film. I don't want to know the entire plot, I want to know if it's good! I may say generally what the movie involves but that's it. Second, most movie reviews are unclear. I've read countless reviews that left me with absolutely no indication as to whether or not I should even see the film. Not here. I developed three methods to rate television and movies:

1. Just your average 10 point scale.
10 is obviously the best and 1 is the worst. Although, Something Borrowed might make below a 1 if I ever get around to reviewing it. I consider myself quite harsh, so if you see anything above a 9, it's probably in my top ten of all time.

2. What's it Worth?
I will tell you if I think it's worth paying for and worth the 2 (and ever more increasingly 3) hours of your time. I also make an educated guess as to whether or not you can multitask during the film.

3. The (not-yet) Patented Clairometer
In honor of my college friend Claire, I developed this rating system in order to display how "appropriate" the film is. It is designed to tell you a more detailed rating system. I find this helpful. Sometimes you want to know ahead of time so you're not stuck watching Black Swan in an empty theater with your mom. The range between PG-13 and R is more vast than the plot holes in a Michael Bay movie. I hope to combat this. The scale shows photos and descriptions of a few well-known women in film and television. The rating is the farthest woman to the left of the scale who would approve of the film. For example, June Cleaver would not approve of
Tequila Sunrise. The woman who would is probably Mathilda.





With this blog, I write as though someone will read it and enjoy what I have to say. I am under no false pretense that I have a wide readership. It is mostly for me and for the one other person who accidentally stumbled across this blog. If that is you, I'm glad you are here. With this blog, I send my thoughts about what I watch on a black box into the abyss of the world wide web. I hope you enjoy reading these thoughts as much as I enjoy writing them.

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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

What I'm Watching This Month

Orphan Black (2013)
Airs On: BBC America
Staring: TATIANA MASLANY, Dylan Bruce, Jordan Gavaris
Created By: John Fawcett, Graeme Manson

My Rating: 8.0
Clairometer: Erin Brockovich

Tatiana Maslany is in all caps and emboldened because she is the entire show. She plays 7 different characters, all from different countries and regions, with different accents, mannerisms, and motivations. Her absence from the Emmy list is a bigger crime than the fact that Sophia Vergara continues to be on it. The story line is interesting, the acting impeccable, and the writing is excellent. Why not a 10 you ask? The production value is lower than I would like (sorry Canada). It tends to take away from the quality of the show otherwise, bordering on cheesy at times. It is still quite worth your time, and good luck not becoming an enormous fan of Tatiana Maslany (I know, I know. That horse is dead. I'll put down the bat).   

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