How It Works

I love movies, but I hate most movie reviews. I hate them for two reasons: First, they always begin with a 3-5 paragraph in-depth description of the film. I don't want to know the entire plot, I want to know if it's good! I may say generally what the movie involves but that's it. Second, most movie reviews are unclear. I've read countless reviews that left me with absolutely no indication as to whether or not I should even see the film. Not here. I developed three methods to rate television and movies:

1. Just your average 10 point scale.
10 is obviously the best and 1 is the worst. Although, Something Borrowed might make below a 1 if I ever get around to reviewing it. I consider myself quite harsh, so if you see anything above a 9, it's probably in my top ten of all time.

2. What's it Worth?
I will tell you if I think it's worth paying for and worth the 2 (and ever more increasingly 3) hours of your time. I also make an educated guess as to whether or not you can multitask during the film.

3. The (not-yet) Patented Clairometer
In honor of my college friend Claire, I developed this rating system in order to display how "appropriate" the film is. It is designed to tell you a more detailed rating system. I find this helpful. Sometimes you want to know ahead of time so you're not stuck watching Black Swan in an empty theater with your mom. The range between PG-13 and R is more vast than the plot holes in a Michael Bay movie. I hope to combat this. The scale shows photos and descriptions of a few well-known women in film and television. The rating is the farthest woman to the left of the scale who would approve of the film. For example, June Cleaver would not approve of Tequila Sunrise. The woman who would is probably Mathilda.

THE CLAIROMETER:

Clairometer

Clairometer

conclusion

With this blog, I write as though someone will read it and enjoy what I have to say. I am under no false pretense that I have a wide readership. It is mostly for me and for the one other person who accidentally stumbled across this blog. If that is you, I'm glad you are here. With this blog, I send my thoughts about what I watch on a black box into the abyss of the world wide web. I hope you enjoy reading these thoughts as much as I enjoy writing them.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

What I'm Watching This Month

Derek (2012 - present)
Created and Written by: Ricky Gervais
Starring: Ricky Gervais, Kerry Godliman, David Earl
Where to watch: Netflix

My Rating: 9.1
Worth: a Netflix subscription, and 30 minutes of undivided attention
Clairometer: Mrs. Doubtfire


The cliche "It made me laugh it made me cry" is necessary to describe Derek. Every episode literally makes me laugh and makes me cry. Apparently the now cliched use of literally is necessary as well. Derek is heartfelt, funny and like nothing I've ever seen. We all knew Ricky Gervais was a mean comic genius, but who knew he could be a kind comic genius. Derek shows his acting chops and his ability to put his plethora of random animal facts to good use (insert any Daily Show interview clip here).

The show is about a man who lives in a nursing home. Derek is mentally retarded and loves everyone. Anyone who has ever watch Gervais host the Golden Globes would rightfully be weary of him portraying a mentally retarded man surrounded by the elderly. But rest assured neither of these facts are ever the punchline. The delicate situation is ripe for political incorrectness but is not. It's lovely. Watch it. Laugh. Cry. Then call your grandma and tell her you love her.

P.S. Season (series) 2 has just been added!
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